Omggg...

Sheesh, now this is one of those many many times when i end up pulling my hair and fretting over which decision to make. 

And i hate it, hate being in such a situation where you can only have a small piece of the pie, and nothing more nothing else. It's driving me entirely crazy because i really don't know what to do. Quandary, as the prof will say during his rather witty presentation on GP, but the word does not encapsulates whatever i'm feeling right now: it's emo turmoil. This is one of those crucial times where you make or you break, just by making a seemingly simple decision.

Apparently mad wants j1s joining the cca to put it as a first cca, both break and hiphop. And in other words, it means no council, no huang cheng, no anything with heavy commitments. But somehow i can't let go of council; i'm still passionate about it even though it's gonna be different for college. And at the same time i wanna go daaannnnnce; i was never hesitant about signing up for it, since last year? Seriously this sucks big time. And and i wanna experience what's huang cheng abt, cause it's basically captures what being in hc college is all about. I wanna relive the experience again, the stage experience. But i can't have it all, can't have everything. And i still wonder why i went for gefang auditions when there's like so many problems and issues to think over and over again. It's so stressful, loads of what ifs. I'm just so confused, messed up and just don't know what to do. I know i'll have to take a step at a time but the more steps i take and the deeper i get, the bigger the mess/trouble i'm getting myself into. Feels like being torn apart, not knowing what to do and where to go.

And now i need a little bit of personal space and time. It's like one of those times where after loads of hanging out and people interaction, you just wanna have some privacy and space to yourself and no others. One of the reasons why i didn't go for og outing today, sorry og39 >.< I need time, to understand information and to fit myself into the environment. Everything's changing so fast so quick, even the lectures are going at insane speed sometimes. I need to be with myself, to find and recover my identity i guess, and readjust my life, getting it right cause i don't think it's alright. I shall see what's going to happen, then make a decision

I need rest, and i shall go sleep now before it's too late...


where the roads will take me to?

 haha hello there!

to begin with, it's my first post in 2008 and yeah i know it's super late to say this but hey all, happy new year! It's a brand new start and best wishes to all. And now for the cliché phrases: may there be world peace, may poverty be eradicated from the face of this earth, may there be less disasters etc etc. and a whole lot of other things, but we very well know that such things will not happen just yet, so it's like saying them for the sake of saying, like a ritual or something. There's still a long way to go before the world becomes a better place.

Orientation was simply AWESOMMEE!!... Everything was fantabulous: the games, the performances, the cheers, the DANCES, the SONGS, war games;  everything was just exhilarating and fun, and i enjoyed every second of it. I think it has certainly changed my attitude towards college life cause previously I was quite apprehensive about it, with new people and new culture. But I guess this is a change that I have to acknowledge and accept as part of my life and get on with it. High school's over and has become part of my memories; there's no turning back. And so, i guess i'm ready to look ahead then.

Lol, and og 39 roxx!!! I remember how we jumped in the hall singing the hc songs, how we played the games and persevered through them all, how we as various individuals bonded together and become one. And i'll never forget the very first outing we had at island creamery, eatng ice-cream and talking about everything under the sun (or more specifically, moonlight). Haha, and the dinner at al-ameen, eating murtabaks, pratas and briyani while designing tshirts for eddie and guo jie together. OH OH, and how can i forget the very last night as an og, ordering pizzas and playing with candles, sparklers in school! ^^ that was really memorable and our hearts were like the candles in the night, huddled together as one og 39, never wanting to be separated, and shining brightly together, for one more night, one last time. You can say we emoed through the entire night, needing the weird, insensitive security guard to chase us out of school, bleh.

And next day, smack right in the face I have to face the truth, that I wasn't in an og but a class, a class that more or less is gonna last for 2 whole years. Well I got the combi I wanted and I could actually guess who, most of them hc guys, is gonna be in my class. Thankfully, I didn't dislike my class, partly because there wasn't anyone i detest and there wasn't too many prcs. Hey don't get me wrong yeah, i've got nothing against prcs but it's just that there are so many in our school that some classes, which some of my friends are in and mostly the physics classes, have a ridiculously high number of them. And the whole boys-to-girls ratio for certain classes, again mstly physics ones, are just pathetic; imagine having twice the number of boys to girls in your class. Sheesh, now I really know why some people love their ogs and hate their classes, totally. 

I guess 08s71 gradually grew onto me, like how og 39 did. And in a sense, i'm already loving my class. Though we didn't win the performance or anything, i guess everyone of us played our part, be it to learn the dance, to paint the shirt and flag. And miracles do happen for us, like our performance. We still pulled through together with just a night's of practise. The feeling's just incredible and I still remember the crazy stuff that our seniors made us do as a tradition, like getting everyone to squeeze onto one canteen table, and then eating up a watermelon in one minute, haha. It was crazy, but it was quite fun i guess, woohoo. Lol, and imagine if spending time together as 08s71 in 4 days is already so amazing, then what about 2 whole years (:

Sheesh, yeah but i think there's an identity crisis that everyone has to face. It's like og vs class vs high school pals vs previous ep3s etc etc, so much so that it's quite inevitable that there's always some "distancing" from previous friends, which I really dislike and don't want. I really hope that we can still as friends, that the people that I used to know, as much as possible, will still be the same.

og39.08s71.apollo (:

and always an isparkian, a hwachong zi di



letting go of all i've held onto

hello! back from a series of chalets, almost back-to-back.

Lol, i think it's the most tiring week out of my entire hols, but boy was it fun! 12 slc and pcps chalet sort of clashed so at least it wasn't really back-to-back and had some time to go home and sleeeeepppp. Yes, the importance of sleep. There's once I went about 45 hours without sleep, totally zombified. Gosh, i'm never gonna try doing that again, but then again, you don't go chalets to sleep, do you?

12 slc chalet was uber fun alright, glad to see so many babes and dudes back for it. Facs, OT and just about everyone else drop by and most stayed over anyway. And the gathering's even more meaningful after my trip. Movie marathons, mahjong, cards, poool ^^ what more can you ask for? Oh, and music and lyrics is super nice and funny, wonder why i didn't catch it in the cinemas.

Pcps chalet wasn't exactly a success though; as usual cliques formed. There wasn't much interaction other than between cliques and it's quite terrible with two camps around. Success? Well maybe to those who's organising it and I appreciate them for it, but then again, we could have made a conscious effort to include everyone and make it really a 6a chalet. I'm not saying that one should start liking and be friends with one another; you can't force people to do what they don't like and what they are uncomfortable. But just because previously 4 years ago you have a certain for someone or some group doesn't mean you continue doing so. Sworn enemies without any possible reconcilation? I doubt so. People change over time, and so can you. Look at others from another perspective, empathise and understand, maybe you'll get it. Sheesh, and I hate myself for not trying to talk to the others and get to know them better. Sigh.

Other than that i guess 6a chalet was fun, albeit only to a certain group of people, me included. As usual card games dominated (bridge hearts, big 2), as well as just-for-fun games like 7 level pig, murderer and polar bear (jiamin's addiction and obsession with it =.=) which really bonded us together. Went to settlers cafe and played board games after a night without sleep. Omg the gold mine game and the pattern game was super fun! They offer a lot of non-mainstream games that were fun and cool. Action-packed stuff, though i wonder how i manage to do it being half-awake, haha. And the best thing is having fun with a group of great friends. It was really worth the time and money. Gosh, i've just found the right place to relax and loosen up ^^ oh yeah!!

Haha, and guess what!? That's not the end of chalets. Squad chalet was next, and it's constant fun. Mahjong, cards, pool, yeah the same stuff. Haha and of course there wasn't any problem for us with the bbq fire, except that we needed to borrow additionol charcoal from others. Oh oh and it was really great fun talking through the night, telling stories, playing mahjong and of course jamming the buttons while playing naruto on the ps2, haha.

Lol, and i watched national treasure: book of secrets and warlords! two must-see movies of the year yeah, both equally thrilling, although i must say i really like the plot of warlords and the character development of the three heroes throughout the show. Five-star ratings yo!!

haha, i guess this has been the most fulfilling and awesome week of my hols. Rock on everyone! xD Rawrrr!

lol, in the meantime long overdue photos from China, haha



Gosh, and more or less a week more to the new year, to the start of school. I'm really looking forward to school. I've chose my subject and i hope i'll be placed in a nice class, haha. Oh well, but at the same time there's much anxiety in me, for it's gonna be a new start all tgt. Not too worried at all though, everything's gonna be alright, be strong believe (:

haha oh yeah before i forget, on this eve of christmas i shall wish everyone out there Merry Christmas! Peace be on Earth! And Happy Holidays! ^^ 



Last Christmas, I gave you my heart... 

it still hurts

hello world! sexy's back ^^

and now for the adventures of the ching chong chinaman! Yep, this time it's an exclusive preview of the series - Survivor Chinarrr: one month in Beijing (yeah it's more than just one night)

haha oh well i'm just crapping but anyway, the beijing trip turned out to be much better than expected and thank God nothing serious has happened to anyone of us. All of us back, safe and sound yeah, that's all that matters. I wouldn't call my one month stay in beijing a complete waste, just that now i've only 2 weeks left to prepare for the new year and get all ready. Great. Well the festive season's coming so there isn't much reason to be whiny and upset ^^ i guess i haven't made much use of my hols, owing to chinarrr and o lvls but yeah, i can't say that my hols have been a waste either. Did some thinking and reflections on my own; in lc's words, to contemplate life. My soul's rejuvenated. And definitely, I'm a changed person and have grown stronger (:

okay back to china! beijing's alright and comfortable but way too cold; it snowed heavily once in the last week of the trip when usually it's suppose to start snowing at the end of dec. I still prefer shaaanghai though, oh yeah. Well we toured around the beijing satellite campus and stayed in some foreign student's hostel of the beijing normal university which was next to the exchange school. The trip this time was much better, probably because we have much more free time to roam around anywhere in beijing, as compared to the sec 3s who have assignments and tests during their stay in the campus. And the shopping's really really fantastic, had a fun time bargaining and getting a nice price. Haha, and needless to say, we kinda angered those people there, but well we don't really care. Oh, and we manage to find a 77th street shop in beijing xD apparently they set up an underground shopping centre called 77th street plaza and got people to sell fashionable apparel and accessories there O.o

Looking back, I really enjoyed the trip, though i still rmb how i dread going to china and whine abt it almost everyday. Great memories too, like how lc, alvin, xingyun, shenhong and me hanged out together a lot, bitched a lot, talked alot of rubbish and kept calling each other names haha, in the name fun of course. Oh yeah, and not forgetting our fav haunt: cheng du xiao chi! xP gosh i think i'll miss the yang rou chuan and the dumplings. And beijing roast duck was fabulous, succulent and tender meat which you wrap it up with cucumber and sauce, like popiah. And how we all turned into movie junkies, buying movie dvds and watching them every night. Oh, and the theme's always comedy and humour, heh.

Heroes is incredible, really. I ripped the dvd from jon and it kept me alive during times of boredom at night. Kept my mind off the amount of days, hours, minutes, seconds left to the final day. I simply love the plot and the various meaningful thoughts and ideas brought out by it. Really awesome, and I'll be going into the second season soon ^^ rock on!

Though i'm back and still trying hard to face the reality that i'm really back home, part of me still rmbs beijing and the good old times we've had. Now it's just left with two weeks and it's separate ways, no doubt. All that's left are memories, pictures captured in time, sigh.

Well, will post more stuff abt the trip soon yeah, till then




still don't know the answer, still waiting for it

(:

9 more hours to my flight, and 1 month of china, bleh. I hope I'll survive, and come back in one proper piece again. Please, no more china hospital >.< well at least we are taking SIA there, no more "Chinarr Easterrrr Hairlines..." Yeah, that's how the air stewardess pronounce it anyway, irritating.

Went to cheok's house ytd for fun. Damn, i wanna play hellgate london, the graphics is O.o, super cool. And it has quite an interesting storyline, beats Halo 1/2/3 hands down. Sigh, but it will lag like crazy on my laptop cause it needs like 1 gig ram!? No point bah... Haha, and i went to jc's house with ced to practise some guitar. Heh, I realised many nice songs like "collide" and "how to save a life" are quite easy to play, but yeah must practise more often. Wish I could bring my guitar along to china. lol, i wonder what happened to the bsp band idea.

in the mean time, lifebox!



yay, i'm quite proud of it. Well basically I have this metal butter cookies box which I store personal stuff in it, things that are dear, significant and memorable to me. The canvas is quite small so these are some of the items in it, so it kinda represents my life, with my bus card that has a screwed-up pic of me (that's whyi didn't paint it), SLC lanyards, mt kinabalu lanyard, iCouncil jigsaw-framed photo, the old student's council badge, mongolia "gerr" and yeah, the traditional chinese jade/chop that has my name on it, to represent my roots and identity i guess. But of course, these items won't be the only ones in the box, for there's more to come ^^

Well I guess I'll miss all my family and friends, and vice versa. Heh, don't worry people, it's only one month! (trying very hard to be optimistic) I'll be back in no time, and I'll be a better person. Miss me ^^ , till then...

Ships can remain at the safe harbour for eternity, but that's not what ships are made for
-Outward Bound




When I'm all alone with the melody

Lol, i didn't know i was an INFP. I think MBTI constantly changes throughout our youth, like when i did the test in Sec 2 it was an ENFP, then later in Sec 3 when I did it I became an ISTJ and yeah, now i'm an INFP, but this time i'm quite sure this is my personality for it's quite apt and accurate about me. shrugs. the dreamer (: sandman, haha. I think he's probably an INFP too, being the creator of Dreams. Speaking of which, i wanna watch stardust! haha, heard it's pretty nice.

bought jay chou's latest album but it was largely disappointing. I think 彩虹's the only the nice song. The design of the album is so lame, and its title too. "我很忙"!? makes no sense at all. the cowboy-ish image doesn't suit him at all. oh well, probably he's too busy to come up with another smashing album, like November's Chopin. Bleh.

I'm bored. I applied for a job to keep me occupied but there wasn't any news at all. Needless to say, I think it was turned down because of my month-long China trip. Nobody wants to hire people that works for only one or two weeks. Fat hope. >.<

haha, and the only good thing that happened so far was that I finally completed my first oil painting, yay.




maybe... someday...

too far to turn around

okay hmm, i haven't posted for quite a while

just woke up, yawnz*. The hols have just begun but i'm already bored. Seriously. To the extent that i'm actually looking forward to the china trip, gosh. Flying off on 18 nov, and i really wonder how am i going to survive this month-long trip >.< oh wells, speaking of china i realised it has been one year since the wenzhou-shanghai-shandong trip, which brings back really awful memories. And yeah, exactly one year ago, i was in some shitty random wenzhou hospital, wondering when our entire group will be able to go home *shudders* the food poisoning incident was the last thing that i wanna rmb: i don't wanna go through that agonising, horrifying exp. ever again, hmph. Oh, and i still have the get well card ispark wrote to me from home ^^ so sweet... yeah well i guess i've been stronger and smarter since that incident, which is why i've stocked up... cup noodles! yes done so specially for the trip, meaning no more consumption of suspiciously-looking china food which would otherwise jeopardise the health of everyone (: call me kiasu, kiasi or anything but as always it's better to be safe than sorry. But at least it's beijing, so it's more of the weather that we have to worry...

Much has happened: selection camp, hcl o levels, meetings and yeah, np chalet. Selection camp was a blur, thanks to the concurrent chinese lessons from 8 to 3 everyday in preparation for the exam and it's just intense drilling, doing papers, reading jianbaos, doing compos, all the mundane stuff. So yeah, I was groggy and couldn't care much abt the chi lessons. Amazingly, the chinese notes that wong gave in one week was more than what tanhc gave for physics in a year O.o and it was about one third the thickness of the bio notes in a year. I couldn't be bothered cause it's just impossible to read finish everything in this short period of time so yeah i just read some jianbaos, fanwens and revise geshi.

Hcl o levels wasn't as bad as i thought, which in a way it's bad. Paper 1 topics were alright but boring... there wasn't reall much you can elaborate and talk abt for yingyongwen and the zuowen. Paper 2 was surprisingly easy, even easier than last year's, which is very bad because the cut off line for a1 and a2 would be higher and you will have to depend on yr paper 1 to get good grades. And i think i somewhat screwed up paper 1; the feel wasn't there, gahh. I need an a2, zzz. Bleh.

Went for np chalet bbq ytd nite, and hmm, i guess it was rather disappointing, so much that we seniors cooked for ourselves rather than our juniors do for us. And they can't even start a bbq fire. Haha but it's good that such events are organised, if not np life will be too mundane. And HO and maumu was there ytd, so yeah... i'm definitely not going back. Affirmative.

haha, and i've been looping RJA's your guardian angel, in love with it i guess. It's not really a new song but yeah, it flows into my soul ^^



falling asleep, only in hopes of dreaming

hey world, I dunno what to say but there's emptiness in me.

iSpark Nite on thurs, and this farewell, no doubt emotionally-overwhelming, was strange and it just doesn't feel right; maybe i wasn't prepared for it. It never dawned on me that I was leaving iSpark, with the feeling of leaving hci stronger in me, until a few weeks ago when iSpark Nite's date was confirmed. And I realised that I didn't attend much of iSpark Nites over the years as an iSpark student; the last time i did was in Sec one. Sec two i think i flew off for some exchange programme in taiwan before school ended and missing iSpark Nite at the same time, Sec three I had selection camp for council. Thus I attended the first and the last of iSpark Nites that I can attend and it was somehow significant though, the notion of being there at the beginning and back at the end.

And as tradition goes, Sec fours aren't allowed to stay over in school after iSpark Nite because of chinese Os, not that we really wanted to anyway. The performances weren't exactly fantabulous, with some inaudible skits from some Sec one and two classes, but really, kudos to them for their bravery and their numerous and mostly failed attempts to get the audience to laugh at "funny" parts of their skits. Oh ya, and I was quite surprised that yuquan could sing so well! And compose too, though the lyrics don't seem to rhyme and go with the melody of the song, but yeah, it spoke a lot of meaning. No doubt, his class got first prize for the performance that was largely dominated by him with his classmates randomly throwing light sticks across the darkened stage. Oh, there were some amateurish dances from the Sec three classes which were really terrible. Firstly, using songs composed by rock bands to dance to isn't smart at all; the only decent dance track that they used was "believe me" by fort minor. Believe me, it's horrendous. Secondly i can recognise that one of the dance that involved chairs came from 13th slc so boo, no originality. And thirdly, their dance moves were not in sync, slow and didn't follow the beat so yeah, you have dances that are so painful to watch that you just wanna put a gun to your head and pull the trigger. But there was one sec three guy that was kinda impressive: he managed to do body waves though it wasn't really obvious and awesome enough but yea, he was definitely way better than others.

I think overall iSpark Nite was quite alright, and the montage every sec four class was shown at the end, with representatives coming out to speak and thank everyone. And I couldn't help but laugh at kee en's description of our class: "hormone-charged", "wacky". Brings back memories of insane, funny moments of the class. And i managed to save 4O's montage cause they didn't pass theirs to the iSpark Nite OT, yeah but fortunately i brought my thumbdrive and it still had some batch dinner documents in it. And at the end, it was overwhelming as all the sec fours stood on stage to sing "Peng You" in sad final farewell. All of us received the tequila shotglass with the iSpark logo on it and yeah, we graduated and officially left iSpark.

I think looking back, i'm glad that I decided to join iSpark, else i would have been in aphelion. I've no regrets and all that's left are just memories. I still rmb all the fun times we had and you can say that the iSpark sec four batch is very bonded. You can call us a weird bunch of people with strange personalities and behaviours, but yeah, that's the way we are xD iSpark woo!!! Thank you to all the teachers who have taught me, who raised us up so that we can stand on mountains, and walk on stormy seas... and eventually to become more than what we can be...














And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it

Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go

Just so you know

So that's it, i guess this is really the end.

sheesh, there's a huge stack of chinese homework to do, but I don't want to... gahh. But oh well, it's all for our own good isn't it. Well I guess I'll find time to do then(I hope so)

I guess my grades aren't as bad as I thought, got like 1.2 - 1.3 for msg, which was better than expected, but still couldn't get that magical one. Oh wells, at least it's below 1.5
My chinese grades have been shitty lately, gosh this is not good. And i can't believe my paper 1's marks are higher than my paper 2 =.= sheesh, guess that means more work then for I desparately need A2 for chinese Os, bleh...

hmm nvm daijobu! Everything will work out well in the end, chinese A1 ftw!

Batch Dinner!


pre-event. all geared up for the big night ^^



The 34th HSC team (: haha, qi han really looked like timberlake with his cool hat yo...



ooooohhh... so that's why he was wearing a hat, to hide his messed-up hair, haha. And ms foo's really the centre of attention, literally xD

oh boy, i'm gonna miss the times we've had, a lot...



And we have all grown up